


you can drag me through hell , i will follow you

by rosietenie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drinking, Getting Together, Jealousy, M/M, Making Out, Post-Break Up, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:48:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28002681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosietenie/pseuds/rosietenie
Summary: Kun couldn't even remember the reason they decided to break up weeks ago ,He couldn't even remember why he stopped fighting for him when his heart was clearly still beating for him and him only ,Maybe , he thought , maybe he lost hope or he was too tired to fight , he also didn't know at this point.Weeks later , life gives him another chance to reflect and decide if he really wants to let go.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	you can drag me through hell , i will follow you

**Author's Note:**

> today , if my ex and i would be together would be our 3rd year and i still cant seem to get over him , so i decided to spill my emotions in the form of a kunten fic because these thoughts are swallowing me :/
> 
> plus the fact that i didnt get a happy ending doesnt mean kunten cant get one
> 
> this is just fiction dont forget , 
> 
> and hope you never go through something like this .

_* title is from the song , bring me the horizon – follow you *_

Kun couldn't even remember the reason they decided to break up weeks ago ,

He couldn't even remember why he stopped fighting for him when his heart was clearly still beating for him and him only ,

Maybe , he thought , maybe he lost hope or he was too tired to fight , he also didn't know at this point. But still _every damn night_ he couldn’t stop thinking about that one person , _Ten_ .

-

He woke up again , drenched in sweat . It was the 5th time this month and considering it wasn’t even the half of the month yet , his nightmares were getting worse and worse . He would wish that those nightmares would be about monsters and cursed ghosts , he _wished_ , but life had other plans , involving Ten in any kind of little sleep he could get .

He would hurt Ten in those nightmares , not physically of course he would never , but making him cry and suffer . Was this how it really ended , was his subconscious trying to give a message to him , how he screwed everything up?

-

‘’ Kun , how the _fuck_ can you say this ? You are acting as if you don’t know Johnny . You know he is my best friend so what the hell are you talking about ?’’ Ten said , staring unbelievably at Kun . Kun stood up from where he was sitting and felt the last bit of patience in himself melting away .

‘’Ten , Are you kidding me ?? You mean you don’t see the way he _fucking_ looks at you ? I can’t believe how you are so oblivious to the truths sometimes . You know maybe that’s why people keep using you ‘’ He spoke before he even thought . He never spoke to Ten like this , never in their 3 years of relationship ,even if they spent the last months fighting , he never crossed the line .

As the words sank in , Ten was already in the hallway that was leading to their bedroom . His footsteps loud and tears forming in his eyes . Kun stared emptily to the space where Ten was minutes ago only coming out of his trance by the sound of the closet door being loudly closed and a sad Ten was already going out of the room with his duffel bag hung over his shoulder .

Ten gave him a look of disbelief , and this look , even weeks later he couldn’t get it out of his nightmares . That look was _haunting him_ and _swallowing him_ .

Before Kun could open his mouth to apologize , even ready to beg for him not to leave , Ten didn’t let him ‘’ Let’s just , let’s stop Kun , these have been going on for months . I don’t even know why you just can’t trust me . What did I ever do to you ? ‘’

Kun was about to answer that saying it wasn’t about trusting _him_. But Ten already knew what he was going to say , they have been talking about this for months and Johnny was just the last drop , because even though Ten dealt with Kun being jealous until now , doubting his relationship with his best friend and saying those words on top were enough reasons for him to want to run out of this place. It was too toxic , too toxic that it was harming them.

‘’I can’t believe you Kun but I am not going to repeat what we already talked for thousands of times . This is not healthy for the both of us , it can’t be . I’m telling you , that you are all I need but I guess that wasn’t enough . Goodbye Kun ‘’

After Ten left his apartment , Kun fell onto his knees , not being able to say anything , the words he wanted to say all stuck and forming a knot in his throat . Tears began to form and before he even knew , he was sobbing.

-

There was a knock on his door , Kun was still laying on his bed , not sleeping even though his eyes were occasionally closing due to the lack of sleep he had in the past weeks and Ten’s eyes appearing in his mind again making him flinch and open his eyes again . The knock on the door got him hoping again , that Ten returned , but it was Sicheng .

‘’Kun-ge , you skipped your meals today , again , didn’t you ? ‘’ Sicheng asked with a worried expression . Kun sighed at the sight of Sicheng , not that it was Sicheng but more that it wasn’t Ten .

It was true that he has been skipping meals lately but he really lost his appetite and surprisingly lost interest in cooking , when there was no Ten to cook for. ‘’I was writing a new song so I forgot , sorry if you are hungry , i don’t have anything decent to cook too.‘’

‘’I am not asking for myself dummy , you look like a zombie right now . Go get dressed and we are going and I am not taking no as an answer , so go . ‘’ Sicheng said , his voice increasing at the end of the sentence pushing Kunt towards his room .

Kun huffed and obeyed going to his room to put some decent clothes on (since he has been wearing the same sweatshirt and sweatpants for 3 days in a row now) . Before leaving his room he took a look at the mirror to fix his hair and Sicheng was right , he indeed looked like a zombie .

He already was aware that he wasn’t sleeping decently but he looked like a man whose life was falling apart which actually wouldn’t be a wrong assumption to make .

Sicheng was sitting on the couch and when Kun came next to him he stood up , linking an arm around Kun’s shoulder and leading the way , he didn’t say where to though and Kun didn’t realize he hadn’t asked until they arrived .

-

Appearantly , it was a mistake that he hadn’t asked . They arrived at Sicheng’s place , which normally wouldn’t be a problem but the blasting music was saying otherwise . ‘’You brought me to a party when I was just hungry ? What _the hell_ ? ‘’

‘’Ge , I know you forgot but today is Hendery’s birthday and you have been avoiding the others so it would be a lot for them if you just come inside, plus there is pizza ‘’ he spoke like he was trying to convince Kun to stay . Like I have another choice , Kun thought . He was sadly fully aware that he was ignoring everyone besides Sicheng (he couldn’t ignore Sicheng even if he wanted to) telling that either he was not in the mood or saying he was in the flow of creativeness and for the information , he really was , he wrote exactly 3 songs in 5 weeks time.

‘’Is he here ?’’ he answered , knowing Ten became a part of their friend group since the moment Kun introduced him to his very beloved friends . They didn’t even think for a second accepting him and obviously never made a plan of what would happen if the two would break up . They all knew about the break-up but neither of the friends could believe it , thinking it was a prank . Kun also still couldn’t believe it . Sicheng looked at him with a knowing smile and answered him softly obviously trying to be as sensitive as possible.

‘’He is not going to arrive until late , he said he had to get a choreography done , so please don’t worry and even if it’s just for an hour , chill and live a little .’’ Kun nodded at that , and moved inside without the need of an answer to what the younger said.

As he entered , he heard Lucas screaming ‘’Look who’s here , can’t believe you finally got out of that den of yours . We missed you so much ge , even Yangyang won’t shut up about you ‘’ he hugged the taller boy and for once in a long time he felt like smiling . ‘’That devil talks about me ? I thought he would be happy not seeing me since , you know , I always ‘ _interfere_ ’ your fights ‘’ he air-quoted and he really did , because especially when Yangyang and Hendery fought the place always became a mess and Kun as their ‘ma’ was the one always stopping them , or as Yangyang would say ‘ _ruining the fun_ ’ .

‘’Speak of the devil’’ murmured Sicheng behind them and Yangyang was already approaching them with a sheepish smile . ‘’Kun-maa , are you here to ruin the fun again ? ‘’ he asked with no bad intensions behind his words , just his usual playfulness and as much as Kun would never admit , he missed the younger’s bickering.

‘’Yah Yangyang , do you always treat the people you miss like this ? ‘’ he said acting like he is angry but his smile giving him away . He hugged the younger and brushed his hair playfully . For once , he thought , I can feel like I breathe again .

-

Obviously that breath wasn’t long .

After two slices of pizza and 3 bottles of beer , Kun was sitting on the couch , watching the dancing crowd . He was a little tipsy , but not drunk . After all he wasn’t called the groups’ father for nothing , collecting Yangyang off dirty floors in bars and holding Lucas while he is vomitting lots of gross content was part of his job now.

But nothing of what the boys were doing was the reason the beer he was drinking was stuck in his throat making him cough . It was the person who was standing there , in the doorway . Kun then realized that he completely forgot about the time , and here was the said person arriving at almost midnight and even after hours of practice he looked mesmerizing.

He hadn’t seen Ten since he left his place that goddamn day . Tried to call him a couple of times reaching only voicemail and nothing more . He tried visiting him but his housemate , Taeyong said he didn’t come home and that he was at Johnny’s place.

Still after that dumb fight , Kun couldn’t stop the theories in his mind going wild and the view right in front of him wasn’t helping at all . Ten’s arms around Johnny’s waist , the both of them were laughing at something loudly . Even though he was sitting down , Kun felt his head spinning . _No , it probably isn’t like that , it can’t be_ he told himself .

Again his insecure mind wouldn’t stop running , because honestly they looked good together and Kun felt like he stood no chance next to Johnny . That night he realized that all the months of fighting was caused by this fucking insecurity . Still the thoughts were eating him alive even if the realization hit him .

He raised his head , again to look at them and find a reason to shut his mind . Then he met the eyes of his love , which were once looking at him with love . Ten was frozen for a while until Kun saw Johnny poking him and following his eyes only to meet Kun’s eyes .

Kun felt his stomach turning and felt sick . He again felt like he couldn’t breathe and wanted to run away . Or maybe just simply dissappear . He stood up , climbing the stairs of the house to reach the rooftop area . As the cold air hit him , he realized he was holding his breath .

He walked to the edge of the top and dropped himself down to the floor . He pulled the packet of cigarettes out of his pocket , not even thinking before lighting it . He thought how much Ten would complain if he was here with him . He remembered when they first started dating , he quit smoking thanks to Ten and look where he was now.

‘’That cannot be good for your voice , also i thought you quit smoking ‘’ came a voice from behind him , startling the older boy who was just exhaling the toxicated air . The familiar voice making him jump and want to run away . He dropped the cigarette on the floor , ‘’Uh , I did but , just , life wasn’t going well ‘’ he mumbled without sparing the younger a look , feeling ashamed.

‘’I can see that , are you okay though ? You lost weight didn’t you , you take care of everyone but never care about your own health Kunnie ? ‘’ Ten said coming closer to Kun who finally looked up hearing the familiar nickname the other called him with . He was about to step away as Ten was coming closer and closer but stopped when Ten dropped a jacket on his shoulders , before starting to talk again ‘’ Look at you , are you mad ? It’s freaking freezing outside ‘’ his voice full of worry was cut when he felt the arms of the older around him .

He didn’t reciprocate the hug but didn’t back away either waiting for Kun to talk . Kun felt himself tearing up , he knew he missed Ten but hugging him made him realize that even though weeks passed , his warmth never failed to make his heart beat faster.He longed for this feeling.

‘’Ten , I am sorry ‘’ was all he could say before he started sobbing , there was so much more he wanted to say , how much he missed the other , how guilty he felt the whole time he was gone and most importantly how much he loved the boy . Those words just wouldn’t come out as he couldn’t stop his crying . He heard a sigh and then felt arms tightening around his waist.

‘’I know baby , _I know_ ‘’ Ten whispered . He slowly got himself out of Kun’s hold , just to make them both comfortably sit on the floor and hugging Kun to his chest. With one hand he was playing with his hair and the other was rubbing his back in order to calm the older down . When there was only the sound of sniffling Ten pulled away . When their eyes met Ten started talking , ‘’You know , I am sorry too , I shouldn’t have left there and ignored your every call after . I had to give you a chance to talk , I know , but I just couldn’t get myself to .’’

Kun nodded , ‘’ I shouldn’t have said those things , even though I never meant any of them I know there is no taking back now . I just , my insecurity was bad . It isn’t any better now , but I know now how much of a burden I was to you , jealous of everyone around you . ‘’

‘’I could see it Kun , I knew it wasn’t you that was saying all those things because years ago you were fine with all of that , you know ? I could see your insecurity taking over and I should have done something instead of leaving ‘’ Kun stopped him before the younger could blame himself any further, ‘’ You couldn’t have done anything Ten , It was not and still is not your responsibility to boost my confidence , you know ? So I would understand if you want to leave right now . ‘’

Ten laughed at that , making Kun’s insides tingle . Ten started talking again with that playful tone of his ‘’ You are an idiot , you know ? I actually realized some things while I was away . I always thought I couldn’t _live_ without you but obviously life goes on and you know that too . I was able to live without you But the thing is Kunnie , I want this , I want us more than anything . I want to wake up to you every morning and then kiss you even though you always complain about my morning breath , I want to show you how beautiful you are in every possible way and that I will be yours and yours only . ‘’

Kun felt his eyes burning again but this time not with hurt , fear , sadness ; but with love , pure love . He then realized something and accidentally voiced it out loud , ‘’ _I want to marry you Chittaphon_ ‘’ He was still staring at the unbelievably stunning face in front of him not realising what came out of his mouth until he heard Ten laughing .

‘’Hey , hey . Don’t call me by that name , you know I hate it plus _darling_ obviously we will get to that part eventually so just kiss me now ‘’ and Kun didn’t have to be told twice pulling Ten close to him and onto his lap before slowly connecting his lips with his own .

He didn’t move for a few seconds , just taking the feeling of the soft lips on his and how much he missed it . He slowly parted his lips giving Ten full control with the slow but passionate kiss . Even though they didn’t voice out loud the kiss was expressing all the love for them . Kun brought one hand to Ten’s nape pulling him closer while Ten’s hand was on the collar of the shirt he was wearing , kissing him deeply and licking his lower lip .

Ten only broke the kiss after feeling Kun shiver at the cold breeze . ‘’Baby , wanna go to your place ? ‘’ He whispered to his lips not really moving away and pecking Kun’s lips a couple more times before the older could reply ‘’Yes please ‘’ he said but stopped when Ten was starting to pull him up and out of the door .

‘’Ten , are you sure ? I don’t want to hurt you anymore and what if I-‘’ Ten cut him off , ‘’Then you won’t hurt me , _Kun_ , look no matter what we will find a way and now just take me home please ‘’ Ten whined and pulled the older out of the house , even without a chance to say goodbye to the boys who were probably already too high for their own goods.

After they reached Kun’s place , Kun said , ‘’You know , I wrote a couple of songs for you ‘’ but he was pinned against the wall as soon as he closed the door . He quickly grabbed the younger by the hips . ‘’Hmmm , I would love to hear them , but I want to hear other songs right now which include you moaning my name , is it okay for you too baby ? Then we can talk whatever you want after .’’ Kun was too far gone already carrying the younger to the bed before whispering ‘’ _I would gladly accept your offer , mister_ ‘’

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u enjoyed reading this and dont forget no matter what you are going through its going to pass , you dont have to forget things or get over things but eventually you will be happy again . 
> 
> stay healthy ♡


End file.
